Thursday, 19 December 2013

Life is Short

I have been spending the last 10 days trying to process the fact that my friend Claire is gone.  I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call her.  It feels like she is just away for a while and will be back...

I have decided to live my life differently.  18 years ago, I nearly lost my husband (due to a household accident) before we got married and have tried so hard to make each day count.  But how quickly we get into the rut of routine and just getting through each day, each week, each month and yes, each year.

I have decided:

I will make time to see my friends and re-kindle old friendships that mattered to me.

I will create memories with my family.

I want to be able to look back on my life and see that it was good.

That I did my best.

That I lived in the NOW.

I died this streak of pink into my hair in memory of my dear friend Claire as a permanent reminder of how fragile life is and how quickly things can change.

Just this evening I heard of another school friend who is having a brain tumour removed tomorrow that was discovered on Tuesday.  If she does not have the opp to remove it, it will kill her.  She might not make it through the opp...but it is her only chance.

Edit: After a full day in theatre,  Bryony has come through surgery, only time will tell what damage the tumour did, they had to leave a bit as it was too enmeshed in nerves, but the life threatening part is out! She is awake and complaining of a headache!  May that be the least of her worries.

I find myself sitting at my desk devoid of inspiration and ideas, I just need to get through this emotional time and hopefully the ability to create will come back.  The act of being creative is usually my solace, but I am learning to do nothing and to just be...not to fill my time with activity.

I am tired of being strong, I am worn out and need to take time for me, to fill me up and to rebuild me.  If I don't look after myself,  no one else is going to do it for me...

3 comments:

Val Thorpe said...

Ah honey I am so sorry. It is never easy to lose anyone no matter what the circumstances or age. It leaves a big hole in our hearts. All I can say to you is that each day it gets a little easier to put one step in front of the other. I am sure Claire knows how much she meant to you and was grateful for your friendship and support.
I do think you are right about getting into a rut and I am not even sure that is what it is. Life is just so busy and so many demands are made on us that sometimes it is all we can do to get through the day. I think if you can life in the NOW you are doing great. You absolutely need to take care of yourself first.
Sending you huge hugs Bella.
Happy Christmas and I hope that 2014 will be a good year for you. Your mojo is also taking a vacation :D
xox

Hettie said...

I have just sent you a text Bella.
Hugs
xx

fairy thoughts said...

Oh Bella I am so sorry to hear of the sad loss of your friend. Times like this really make you appreciate the things you have and should treasure more, life is very fragile.
I hope your other friend recovers quickly and fully.
I recently parted company with my best friend of 45 years and although I know it was the right thing for me I still miss her everyday. But life is too short to surround yourself with things and people who make you unhappy..... You have to learn to let go, this has been a very hard lesson for me to learn. Don't dwell on what might have been just remember the good times you had and be glad you had them
Merry Christmas and I'll be thinking of you and your friend let me know how she is getting on
Janet